My Stalker was Outted today....

So on the Rarest of occasions my ego suffers a bit of a bruise...Not a major clot that could kill ya bruise, but a nice ugly Black and Blue fade to green then yellow then disappear bruise...There are times like these that I remind myself that everyone gets a whiff of their shit and smells it for its true color...Or Odor or whatev'...I dont think color smells, Unless the color is Orange ...we live, we learn, we move on...Right? Right!
So here is a quick overview with a bit of a not so quick introduction to my Bruised Ego...

Twice in the last few days I have been getting calls from an "unknown number" to my Cell Phone...Not to much of a shocker, after all you can find my Cell Phone Number easy enough on my website (Shameless Plug!)

Im not one of those people who mind if you pass out my Cell Phone number either! (Now my Home Phone number... that's a whole 'nother situation right there! If you have it... don't pass it out!) I want to be found on the web which is why I do Facebook, Twitter, didn't Delete my Myspace and  Once a Month I Spam Mail everyone in my contacts list an update on the Daytona Real Estate Front Line, I mean for real people... my paycheck depends on it...With that said, I do have some phone rules that I set in order to manage my always ringing sidekick...Rule Number One: If you cant Unblock your number... I cant answer the Phone...Wont happen! Want to assure yourself a trip straight to my Voice Mail?? Block your number then call me!

Rule Number Two...If you call my Office @ 3862522737 aka 3867671930...You will end up forwarded to my Cell Phone about 80% of the time...I have a very serious issue with my business phone not being answered by a Human...I do also and often Screen my Calls, and the phones are on permanent forward because I cant stand when I forget to forward my calls and as I often run out mid day...I need to be able to answer my phones where ever Im at...AND, because I do not like the digital service that came with my phone system...(Its some British Chick who sounds like the Nanny...Not Fran the Nanny but Mary Poppins the Nanny)and  I dont want people to get that Gawd Awful Voice Mail Voice.... Sometimes I have other calls, and wont answer and Sometimes I prefer to know the nature of the call before I talk to you...In any case that you get my Cell Forwarded Voice Mail Message I promise you this...  ALL Calls are Returned in 24 Hours!

Rule Number Three: Be Brief when Leaving a Message...State your Name and Your Business (Not Your Lifes Story..Just what you need) and a Phone Number...Yes I have caller ID..But If I'm on the Phone and You call and I am not in the right "zone" ie: Left leg Behind Right Ear with Left elbow pointing to the north star... ...You will get my voice mail...BUT Verizon the "Can you hear me now"  network may not have registered your phone number...SO leave a Gosh Darn Call back Number....

The reason Im giving you the Fo' One One is because I have received two calls lately from Blocked Numbers and the messages were similar but different... and made me believe that I had myself an Admirer...My very own Stalker...That made my Ego feel a little lighter...larger...Hawter...As if thats possible...Message One was:


So doing all that could be done to try and find the "leaver" of the message...Cuz after all they want me to Run Away with them...All I could manage to run into was brick wall after Brick wall...Even Sly Dial tells me who called...I even had the Dana~Nator listen to the message and was all like OMG...Who Could that Be???
Today was Message Two:



Ok so apparently my stalker has some chick in his life and he is letting me know that since we didn't "Run a Way" together after the last message that OBVIOUSLY he is being sucked under by this "Brick". He really must need some Muffin Time...Cuz I get that a lot...from a lot of Different people.....Blah Blah Blah... So as I decide I must save my Stalker from this obvious Cinder Block of a Significant Other...wondering how Davids gonna react to me bringing home a stray...(Have to consider the Hunka!) I get my first real Clue! Jenkies Shaggy there was a Beep...Then a Break in the Music... and I hear..."Thanks For Holding, This is Chris"...

Thats right... Big Ol Fat Ass Bruise to the Ego Bitches! I dont have a Stalker...."Chris" was trying to call me... and Twice....thats right 2 fucking times...IN AS MANY DAYS... Hit the Hold Button instead of the Flash Button before proceeding to his next Sales Call...Fucking Solicitors....Made me think Im wanted for more then my check book~ PFFFT!! Fuckity Fucks! Well that's what I get I suppose, for putting my Cell on the Net...Just for any ol Charity, Business and Police Auxiliary to call me wanting money!


Still Pouting.....
Muffin

MCTBC....Is checking in...

Unlike some people who "Work from Home". I actually Do... Work (Well, Sorta!)....
Which is why I have 3 Blogs in draft and now Im typing this one, which will go into draft in a hot effin second'! Cuz, I have to go to the Chiropractor for an adjustment, I basically sit on my Arse to long on Facebook...Bejeweled Blitzing like a fucking Psycho, waiting on the next installment of e-Loumination, Teeksplace, One Day at a time and The Nakid Writer, ( Wheres the Blog rule that says you cant blog twice a day you fricken slackers)...However It comes across, I don't want anyone who thinks "Im missing" via lack of my presence on Blogger or Facebook to worry that perhaps, IM NOT OK! Cuz like... when you call my Cell Phone and I don't Answer and then you call my house phone and I don't answer still, and then you call my office "line one" which I'm already talking on... so it "rolls to Line Two" which is forwarded BACK to my Cell so I don't miss calls from a real live person wanting to spend real green cash on Real Estate....(You know? But its YOU... calling me like a stalker needing to know my exact whereabouts so you can club me to death!) Requiring me to promptly hit the Ignore option on my phone... 'cuz I don't want the person I'm on the phone with to think I cant talk to them, 'cuz they Just Said too, after me having heard a tenth of a seconds Jingle from the ringer... (Like we are playing Name that tune or some shit)... for the third 'effin time, in as many minutes as it takes, for you to call all three lines...(I hear the client say almost snark-like)...."If you're Busy... you can call me back!"
Where then I say ..."Oh its ok, Just remember, next time you get my voice mail it probably is very likely I'm on the other line!" As if... They are my only Client? A ridiculous thought for them to have!~I mean Puhlease, cant they hear my phone ringing off the hook? Didn't they Just make a Snark Comment about how If I'm too Busy?... Honestly, they don't need to know that YOU my sister who never gives up ...is blowing up my shit only 'cuz YOU have hot juicy news regarding ...Oh, I don't know... the Corn You Found in your Shit today? (REALLY!! We ARE that Close!)
O... Wait... YOUR non stop phone antics have just validated MY business, and MY worth to this potential client...In as many as three minutes, three "other people" have called me, so from the potential clients prospective...I must be popular, I must do a good Job, look at how sought after I am! OH FUCK ME RUNNING......Your Drama Mamma Bullshit just made me Money! I wonder now if I owe you a referral fee? I love You~ Teek A Leek....Thanks for giving a flying Monkey Bunk....To show my gratitude...I picked these flowers for you while I was wondering through a Blog Field! Aren't they Pretty? They Kinda Remind me of an 80's Douche Commercial!...Can ya smell em?....As Paw Paw would Say "How's that computer Screen Smell, SHooG?"

The Muffin is Making a Living!


Post Script: She even sent a TEXT while Searching For ME! When I say she doesnt give up, I mean she DOESNT GIVE UP!