I'm a pretty confident cookie! The scariest thing I ever did as a Big Girl was leave my first marriage! I had a plan... it started out in 1/4 mile increments and I arrived 700+ Miles later a new person, scared to look back, afraid to look to forward...everyone said it'll get easier ... and in some ways it did and in some ways it got harder... Ive had people say OMG! You're so Strong, How'd you do it??? Well go back and reread... It appears I ran away! It worked for me...its a bit of a chickenshit way to do it...but it worked for me, as did setting goals! I set myself up for long range success..."Gotta be strong" was what I told myself
everyday for 2+ years...I also compiled a list of things I would
Mind Fuck Myself with in order to
Keep Moving Forward and Not Look Back:
Tattoo ...Check... Check... Check! Cuz dang you cant get just one! I always heard people say you get addicted to ink...Well its true!!! It also was something My EX disapproved of...so I got the First one out of spite and to give me strength... Because I could never go back if I had a Tattoo...I got the Other two because I LIKED IT! The only thing keeping me from looking like Jesse James' next Girlfriend is the business I'm in! Seriously I would be covered in them if it were more readily accepted! Tattoo 4 will be a Rib Wrap to my back and will incorporate My first Tattoo...cuz after 6 years of it being on my back... Ive come to this realization: THE REASON I PUT IT THERE PISSES ME OFF! If I wanted to color myself like a Fun pad I should have! No man will ever have the say over what I do with my body! So Dear Tattoo Number 1, I looked at you really closely today, and I decided...I don't really like you....YOU'VE got to Go!!!
Artists Apply at Bransfun@yahoo.com please!!! I have tattoos on my ribs so for you tatted up people please don't tell me that is the worst place to put them...I know it hurts like hell... and Its my opinion the more the Tattoo hurts the happier it makes me! Which scares me a little...cuz um, I'm thinking I like the pain! Which adds to this part of the blog: Tattoos are Mind Fucks that HURT SO GOOD!!!
In finding my inner control freak....I too Decided I would not smoke ever again....OK, well I did smoke a Cigarette...Ok 2... On November 24th and 25th 2010! YES I DID and I LOVED EVERY DAMN MINUTE OF IT....'cept it made my hair stink...I didn't like that part! I realized that its really easy to smoke after having quit for almost Three years...TOO EASY...actually Those Cigarettes...Both of them were fantastic...Euphoric...BETTER THEN SEX... AND I THINK IVE HAD SOME PRETTY GREAT SEX!
I absolutely must NOT ever smoke another Cigarette! If you Smoke and I try to Bum one, You tell me NO!!!!! Someone once said to me when I inquired about the possibility of even one cigarette making a born again previous smoker, smoke again..."No you'd have to smoke like a pack before the Old Habits returned or the craving for the Nicotine kicked in....One cigarette wont hurt ya! It'll probably make you sick!" Well person who told me that...the actual drag and inhale off that first cigarette was ecstasy! It did not make me sick, it did not give me a BUZZ perhaps because I was already Buzzing from Vodka...it filled me with a warm fuzzy...like a Home Again Feeling....So I decided the Next Night NO VODKA...to smoke another one...GUESS what.....It did not make me sick, it did not give me a BUZZ ...it filled me with a warm fuzzy...like a Home Again Feeling.
A Mind Fuck that Hurts SO Good....
As I wander...almost too slowly into 2011, I find a lot of Opportunity ahead of me...and a lot of Scary ahead of me, because as of late, Im feeling a little less confident then the Girl Who Ran Away almost 7 years ago! I feel a little lost...almost like Ive broken up with someone, or Ive lost something of Value, Like there's this One Thing I was Suppose to Do but for the Life of Me I cant figure out what Im forgetting... There's a combination of Dread and Excitement in the feeling. Its a FOG that I cant see.... it but I feel it...and alas, Ive felt this way before... to say the least...So I guess it can only be that Im looking for my motivation...Perhaps a renewed commitment to enter the next chapter of my life!
Perhaps, I just need a
Great Mind Fuck to push me ....Suggestions?
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