Staying on the Up side...No small Feet!

Ive been away from the Blogger for too long it seems! Im experiencing postmodem depression and not because Ive been camping in the Alaskan backcountry either...Ive been Traveling, Working and Very rarely online. The only way Ive managed to keep any small amount of communicant is via Jacob... and mostly because we chat on the phone...I check in periodically for new Blog Posts...and Im all in his koolaide about online dating, You know, just kinda the same way I was in Karens, koolaide about it! She however, was more open to my suggestions though! She let me set up her Facebook page and write her profile at Plenty Of Fish dot com...(Partly because I didnt tell her I had done it)...Which went something like...
Karen: What did you do????
Me: What?????? Its a good thing, You'll see!
Karen: Brandie... You put that I put out on the First Date!
Me: Look how many men have responded!

But... when she got so many hits, that I had to change her email address away from my blackberry...(For all you crazys out there that just caught on... I did say away from MY blackberry....Not only did she NOT  have a computer in her home or internet or cable tv...she had to come to my house to check her email account, which, I also set up for her...She would call me several times a day and say: "Did I get any emails?" This is how I know she was in fact interested, in what I had done for her...So... I sent her email to my Blackberry, that way if she did call and I was perhaps... feet in stirups the victim of  gyno spelunking, I could easily access her account and simply say Yes or No....Trust me it was never NO!) The Upside: All the love traffic to her profile forced my girl right into this century! She had to buy her first computer and all because of the Love Search... she even went from a razor phone to her very own Blackberry! Yes I did say RAZOR! I know Right? Like soooo 2000 and Late!

So with all the new technology, and Dating avenues, websites, and personal pages published online... why would anyone not give it a whirl?! I'm one of those everyone should be in a relationship people...why would anyone want to be alone? Aside from taking a shit, and Masturcising, we should always be together...with someone...right? Isn't life suppose to be the journey of finding the perfect person to suit your perfect self??

Im an old Married Woman...the best I can do is live vicariously through Jacobs blog and well at this point... my making a facebook page for Karen also landed her a man from Childhood Crushdom...so shes off the Market, and Im desperately in need  of the drama and excitement of potential new love...and for the record...all the TV shows I usually watch are in reality  rerun...Im a Relationship Voyeur...I need this shit to distract from other shit...Oh and as a side note...I saw my neighbors across the way having sex...well... that, or they were having a naked seance, either way it was too weird! Oh, ok, so not to get you too lost... back to Jacob....
So with out any further thought to it, I am going to write the profile for one Jacob "the Luminator" right fricken here... and with any luck, I will have another relationship to butt my face into! Listen, Im shallow, Im nosey, and Im very interested in seeing how well my Match Making skills are...When I retire, I want to be a Match Maker!...What? You thought I was planing on Owning a Real Estate Company all my life? Hell No...this was just something I decided to do so that I could work for myself, I make a lousy employee!

Now, being a match maker IS my life dream....ever since me and Teek saw Fiddler on the Roof....I wanted to be an old Jewish woman that brings love and fornication to lost and looney people....I mean Lonely.... face it folks, with the divorce rates being so High, there is a definite need for this service! Im thinking I could get paid for this shit...And Im a lot nicer then the Millionaire match maker lady too....shes a real Biotch!

Just because you don't have millions doesn't mean you don't deserve Love and Fornicationship! Even less affluent people deserve a shot at finding their Soul Mate! Ok, enough of all the pleading...Here is my Attempt at a Profile for Jacob aka Louminator.....aka Mr.Silverado70 ...thats right  ladies....

If you are looking for a Good Man with Mad Skills, who excels in Grammar, Editing, and is a Natural Born Linguist, then look no further...he is Flexible, wears a size 15 shoe, is Not Shallow,...Likes Movies, Long Talks, and even better...doesn't expect you to be Drama Free...(Cuz really who is Drama Free?....Drama is part of being a human really, Unless your not really Human...even still, reply, cuz who knows you might still have a shot!) If you're a Girl who likes to play Games, and can handle having a kick ass Dungeon Master or Rockband Drummer at your beck and call, Then Mr Silverado 70 Just Might Be your Guy! If you don't take this stuff too seriously and enjoy a man who wont pressure you to put out on the first through third date, but wont say no or hold it against you if you do, then you may have just set your eyes on your soul mate! If none of that sounds appealing but you still need someone to have coffee with, or just simply need arm candy for your next formal function....do yourself the favor of dropping this Man Cake a Line!  Satisfaction Guaranteed!

I know if I read a profile like that ...Id reply!
Who has a better suggestion? Go ahead, in the comments... give me your best shot at a Love Profile....

Thanks Jacob for letting me exploit you!

Muffin