The Back Seat In Life...

Sara Swears a lot does a lot of inspiring of me! She is posting the 30 Days of Truths...and she mentions in her very funny blog...that she often has melt downs...Blah Blah Blah...So go read it! (This ain't Cliffs Notes for Ole Girls Muses...Just saying!)Just pointing out that I can relate to Melt downs...Melt Downs Eat Ass! I can actually feel a melt down coming on several days, maybe even a week in advance of its arrival....No its not my Period...Seriously not everything can be blamed on Your Period! Hell at my Age I know a lot of Chica's who don't even have their lady parts...no they didn't have sex changes, they had their baby bags removed...I have questions about that too but not for this blog! SO I'm looking at a melt down that is approx ...Hmmmm... today is 10/17/10 and there are 31 days in Oct...25 days till Thanksgiving added together...39 days til melt~ down...

That's right, its due to Melt Down on Thanksgiving...It cant be avoided...if meltdown is attempted to be bypassed...it still arrives and is way effing worse then its original melt~downiness...I have MELT~DOWNSYNDROM. Now we may get lucky and it may arrive prior to Thanksgiving, It may arrive right after Thanksgiving...By a Day or So...But I know its Lurking...I can feel it welling up in me....like a hollowness in my chest just between the breasts...IF YOU KNOCK ON MY BREAST PLATE I SOUND LIKE TINMAN FROM WIZARD OF OZ! As it travels nearer to the Throat I will get a Pain...like hurt feeling pain except way worse...the only way to release said pain is a low growl to a dull roaring noise that ends up sounding like that loud fucking dinosaur from Jurassic Park....

Oh I can feel it! I often take a backseat in life to things, You know the normal things as Wives and Mothers... Like Our Families, their wants needs desires, disturbances, Whatever they deem important on any given day...Their Lives Call "ShotGun!" So inevitably, as the Holidays Approach...My eyes get a little more distant, my chest feels a little more hollow, and I fight the Jurassic Demon! At least as much as possible, to keep it at bay! This year I'm feeling it a lot earlier then most...Perhaps its because when EJHS is around I "harden" me a little...and Since he has been dealing with some issues that are "whole family matters"...and being his original baby Momma minus the Drama...I'm feeling a little more drawn to him then even I'm comfortable admitting to! Thank Goodness David is truly the most understanding husband in the world! Well at least for now he pretends to be...He even said the other day when I mentioned my distraction with EJHS and how it disturbs me that I feel for him, and my feelings aren't anger...He actually said well that's "normal for you Brandie" I wouldn't worry to much about it! Then he mentioned how we might not be conventional but "he" ie: EJHS is our "Family" so its gonna weigh on us...I was like wow....Really, its weighing on him too?  It does come down to this though...We are going to Virginia for Thanksgiving. Ive been to Virginia 3 times since 2004. 2004 is when I left Virginia to find myself...Single! You Dig...So going Back, seeing what was left behind and seeing all the changes that took place  rather in spite of my absence, perhaps because of my absence...Well it always makes me a little depressed! So perhaps the Jurassic Demon is just Dread...Oh Well... time to Put on the Big Girl Panties...Paint on the Smile, Jump in the Back Seat and Move it forward! 

The Muffin Stuff!