Monday, May 10, 2010

Will Work for Big Nuttage!

Good Day to you all, especially to those that are taking a break from whatever you do to earn your rent money! Thats right, I'm talking to Joe and Jane Employed~ with the luxury of a desk computer with internet provided by some unsuspecting boss who thinks you being able to track International Packages right from your desk top is so essential to production that they can afford to loose you for a few minutes here or there on a daily basis while you read Muffiny Club Declarations and ByLaws or Update your Facebook Status! Workers' Facebook Visits Costing Companies Billions
Aug 13, 2009 Ann Berkeley

Did you even Know? "Companies worry they are losing millions annually as employees spend working time surfing auction and social networking sites. Restricting access is not the answer.

There is a gentle battle going on between corporations and their employees about the latter's use of company time for visits to social networking websites. New data shows that almost half of all employees access Facebook during working hours, causing companies to lose an average of 1.5 per cent of total office productivity.

This issue has been rumbling around like distant thunder for some time. According to Jacquie Cheng of, back in 2005, Websense claimed that 93% of all employees admitted to using their employer's web access for personal as well as business reasons and that such shenanigans amounted to a loss of $200 billion per year for American companies."

You can read the rest if you want to on your next break.....Why am I speaking to Joe and Jane PunchTheTimeClock? Because these people are paid to check in, complete the days assignments or tasks, and go home. Most are Not given access to the social network sites of TweetMyFace unless they own a BlackIphoneDroidBerry....and even then, the social networks are limited in there accessibility through these mediums, until you are home! Laptop Open, Shoes off... wine poured and...the dinner dishes are being sprayed by an upper and lower sprayer arm provided by GE!

I point all of this out because I am no longer Jane PunchTheTimeClock, Im Muffin Self Employed! I get, better then most, how much of my time is WASTED on Facebook/Tweeting/Myspace/Active Rain/Blogger/Craigslist. I can tell you exactly how much money Ive Made on Facebook/Tweeting/Myspace/Active Rain/Blogger/Craigslist as well!

Did I mention Im self employed? If you spend all day Tweeting you are unable to make this months rent! However if I Link Lifes a Beach, Buy a Retreat (<---Go Ahead and Click it I know you want to)Via my Tweet and some Muffinite clicks it, Loves it, and Buys it....then Ive made... Lets do the Math...Listing Price: $123000.00 (X) % of sales price I get paid = More Money Per Hour then you paid your divorce atty ...Thats My PayCheck.

You and Most of employed America have a Job Description, a Salary or Per Hour work Agreement with your employer, and a scheduled time to be "ON THE JOB". I however, work at the convenience of my client. Often at the inconvenience of my family, my other clients, and quite frankly my own social fun time! This inconvenience affords me a little more Nut then the Other Squirrels in the park! You will not hear me complain that My Nutz are Bigger then You Nutz...Ever! Likewise: Its in poor taste to brag, and keeping it real and humble...My Nuts don't always produce perhaps as consistently as your Nut! So I keep my Nuttage on the Down Low and am proud of my friends when they expose their nutz for public scrutiny! There is however a little quirk if you will, a Body Tick that I get when its expected of me to work for FREE! NOT that the customer or client cant afford to pay me...I work ProBoner~ If I dont see you through to the Happy Ending... which is your Estoppel of Mortgage, Transfer of Deed or title, End of paying Maintenance Fees and Taxes, Then...You pay me NOTHING! However... if you do find yourself all euphoric and glowing after Ive "Closed the Deal" as likely we know you will, then like any good Hooker, I get paid! O Wait....even Hookers get paid UPFRONT with no guarantee of a Happy Ending! Perhaps I went to the wrong seminar on negotiations! Ok Ok Ok....the point is, I don't start this process with a Lick and a Promise! I start this process with a written contract to preform! It says Muffin will A. B. C. and 1. 2. 3. = You Effin Pay her! It does not say: Muffin will A. B. C. and 1. 2. 3. = Maybe if you feel like it, Pay her! Three times in as many weeks, I have had 3 contract clients, try to get out of paying me for a job completed! Listen I dont even say a Job well done any more, because frankly you just cant please people, and the story is bitch loudly and forget your check book! It seems they all have a list of reasons why I or an agent working with me (Yeah Im kinda like a Pimp)should not get paid, which may or may not include: "You're getting paid more then I thought you would and I'd like to save some of that money for my coke habit" Also one of my favorites: "the Buyer wants me to pay three thousand dollars of their closing costs...I need you to drop your commission by as much...." Commission folks is what I or any Agent is contractually entitled to, based on performance! GUESS WHAT MR SELLER/MR BUYER....that's my PAYCHECK you AssHat! Im also in the Business of SELLING REAL ESTATE not BUYING it! Unless the Buyer is putting my name on the Deed, Im not giving you money to sell your house! Let me explain something Joe and Jane SellMyHouse...You don't go to work put in your 40+ Hours to have your boss drop by the Cubical at 5:00 on Friday and Mention: Oh By The Way...We aren't Paying you this week 'cuz we dont want to.What would you do if your boss did take this approach?? You would say: "Thank you sir maybe next week I'll try again?" No? Thats righttttttttt.... thank you...Why the Fuck Should I, You don't choose the No answer, No is the ONLY ANSWER!.... and you don't let your employer walk on you, You have resources and recourse's, if you don't choose to use them then all I can say is "good luck" Muffin Lover you're not likely to get very far in this Dog eat Dog world!.... Cuz we know my answer, to the drop your pay so I can get ahead in this deal question.....Its: too effin bad, Show Me The Money! Breach of contracts says I'm entitled to 3 times the amount you fail to pay me PLUS Attorney fees! Don't mess with a Muffin, Awwww Hell to the NO! I'm, not your average everyday HO! Im a Pimpin Ho! Dont think My CARES Family aint United in Solidarity either....Cuz thats "How we Roll!" Peace ** two snaps~ I aint playing~ Watch me walk away with the green you owe me Bitch, Imma Double my money and make a stack!! Im on to the next one!

Discuss in the comments! Thats an Order!
Muffin in Charge and Large!


  1. I can't access such networking sites at work and it really blows...So I got me a phone with an application to let me stalk ya'll.

    A Muffin Most Certainly SHould Be Paid--and a Muffin knows how to get done what needs to get Kick Some Ass Muff and get your rightly deserved check! Peace Out~

  2. So which BlackEyePhoneBerryDroid do you have?
    I agree, I earned my Check and they got their Money Shot! Oh Hail Yeah, I said it!!

  3. This is why I can't do that type of work. I always want to start licking and promising. But you go, girl!

  4. Get your worth Muffin, everyone else does and you should too!! Do not settle for a lower percentage of anything!! You are QUEEN BEE in your hive!
    You should always receive the prized honey and a lot of it!!