Thursday, June 24, 2010

The Perfect Me....

This is my Perfect Journey with my very own Perfect Everything and the Side Effects of it all...

To begin with I am perfect in many ways...albeit unconventionally perfect...
To start Im perfectly Blind without my contacts or glasses and that's no shit...Blind, like Lights out cant see? NO that would be conventionally blind...I did say unconventionally blind...and a conventionally Blind Person would love my eyesight if given a choice... I'm blind like this:
Thick Glasses Pictures, Images and Photos BLURRy ViSiON Pictures, Images and Photos If it weren't for perfect marketing I wouldn't know what most stuff was without my eyes in or on! My poor friends and Family...David especially, will say read this to me, while doing something he deems important and I have to say I dont see anything but dots...sometimes this is with my contacts in! I can barely see to text while driving! Thank God for Map quest and Landmarks...Id never find a street! Now that we have a talking GPS its only a matter of time before Conventionally Perfectly Blind people will too be able to drive!

I have Perfect Bunions on Both My feet! I'm a Human matter which way I'm facing my left and right big toe act as the east west markers...I guess I shouldn't say no matter what way I'm facing...cuz that's some fucked up Kicks right there ..If I am facing North  however the top statement is perfectly correct! Never Eat Soggy Wheat that's the motto of my feet...Some days, Left and Right Big Toe are Never Wheat and Some days they are Eat Soggy...I like to imagine that I was Once a Perfect Ballerina...and that's the cause of my perfect Bunions! However the perfect truth is that its my perfect DNA, that landed me these clod hoppers!! (Peee Essss: those are not my actual feet) I'm the Perfect Friend, Perfect Lover and Perfect Enemy ....Just Ask David! He'll tell you verbatim exactly what I want him to say! That kinda makes him Perfect too...but perfect for me not you, and trust me I'll cut a bitch!

All this perfect self love is making me want to confess the perfect secret....But you have to promise not to tell...Can you Promise? Cuz sharing the Perfect secret requires perfect care!
You cant just share any ol secret with any ol buddy! Its gotta be a real buddy with pinky swear loyalty, go to the grave and not tell another person ever kinda friend loyalty...You know, you might get away with sharing a good juicy MY secret with someone else, unless they kinda know me. It still could be pulled off if they don't  "really know me" enough to "really talk to me", but they too, must be very capable of the whole pinky swear loyalty! At the bare minimum they must not tell me they know my secret, or they at very~ very least can pull off a Grammy award winning surprise look when I decide to share that secret with them, and they must not ever say ..."Oh that"... "So and So told me that a month ago"...consider it, and I might tell you...

While you all ponder your secret keeping skills let me also tell you what prompted this blog...I was diagnosed with "Perfect Strep Throat" yesterday! Amazingly enough I have a Photogenic case for the medical society to study! When in doubt about strep results...see Brandies throat...Now appearing in the American Medical Associations how to on Strep, apparently!  Hopefully the medication he prescribed in conjunction with the medication I prescribed myself three days prior will not award me with the perfect case of Crotch Trot...I swear the side effects of perfect are sometimes not worth being so... ME!


  1. I love your perfect fucked up feet, your amazingly perfect freight of Squirrels, your perfect ability to make me have the dry heaves, your perfect match making skills, your perfect dimples, your perfect I love your guts gifts oh and I love your perfect drama mama southern self!!!!! and your perfect want to tell me your secret... I have a perfect secret lets share

  2. You already fucking know all my secrets! Pfffft and I do love your guts!