Wednesday, June 30, 2010

My Stalker was Outted today....

So on the Rarest of occasions my ego suffers a bit of a bruise...Not a major clot that could kill ya bruise, but a nice ugly Black and Blue fade to green then yellow then disappear bruise...There are times like these that I remind myself that everyone gets a whiff of their shit and smells it for its true color...Or Odor or whatev'...I dont think color smells, Unless the color is Orange ...we live, we learn, we move on...Right? Right!
So here is a quick overview with a bit of a not so quick introduction to my Bruised Ego...

Twice in the last few days I have been getting calls from an "unknown number" to my Cell Phone...Not to much of a shocker, after all you can find my Cell Phone Number easy enough on my website (Shameless Plug!)
Im not one of those people who mind if you pass out my Cell Phone number either! (Now my Home Phone number... that's a whole 'nother situation right there! If you have it... don't pass it out!) I want to be found on the web which is why I do Facebook, Twitter, didn't Delete my Myspace and  Once a Month I Spam Mail everyone in my contacts list an update on the Daytona Real Estate Front Line, I mean for real people... my paycheck depends on it...With that said, I do have some phone rules that I set in order to manage my always ringing sidekick...Rule Number One: If you cant Unblock your number... I cant answer the Phone...Wont happen! Want to assure yourself a trip straight to my Voice Mail?? Block your number then call me!

Rule Number Two...If you call my Office @ 3862522737 aka 3867671930...You will end up forwarded to my Cell Phone about 80% of the time...I have a very serious issue with my business phone not being answered by a Human...I do also and often Screen my Calls, and the phones are on permanent forward because I cant stand when I forget to forward my calls and as I often run out mid day...I need to be able to answer my phones where ever Im at...AND, because I do not like the digital service that came with my phone system...(Its some British Chick who sounds like the Nanny...Not Fran the Nanny but Mary Poppins the Nanny)and  I dont want people to get that Gawd Awful Voice Mail Voice.... Sometimes I have other calls, and wont answer and Sometimes I prefer to know the nature of the call before I talk to you...In any case that you get my Cell Forwarded Voice Mail Message I promise you this...  ALL Calls are Returned in 24 Hours!

Rule Number Three: Be Brief when Leaving a Message...State your Name and Your Business (Not Your Lifes Story..Just what you need) and a Phone Number...Yes I have caller ID..But If I'm on the Phone and You call and I am not in the right "zone" ie: Left leg Behind Right Ear with Left elbow pointing to the north star...Can you hear me now Pictures, Images and Photos ...You will get my voice mail...BUT Verizon the "Can you hear me now"  network may not have registered your phone number...SO leave a Gosh Darn Call back Number....

The reason Im giving you the Fo' One One is because I have received two calls lately from Blocked Numbers and the messages were similar but different... and made me believe that I had myself an Admirer...My very own Stalker...That made my Ego feel a little lighter...larger...Hawter...As if thats possible...Message One was:

So doing all that could be done to try and find the "leaver" of the message...Cuz after all they want me to Run Away with them...All I could manage to run into was brick wall after Brick wall...Even Sly Dial tells me who called...I even had the Dana~Nator listen to the message and was all like OMG...Who Could that Be???
Today was Message Two:

Ok so apparently my stalker has some chick in his life and he is letting me know that since we didn't "Run a Way" together after the last message that OBVIOUSLY he is being sucked under by this "Brick". He really must need some Muffin Time...Cuz I get that a lot...from a lot of Different people.....Blah Blah Blah... So as I decide I must save my Stalker from this obvious Cinder Block of a Significant Other...wondering how Davids gonna react to me bringing home a stray...(Have to consider the Hunka!) I get my first real Clue! Jenkies Shaggy there was a Beep...Then a Break in the Music... and I hear..."Thanks For Holding, This is Chris"...

Thats right... Big Ol Fat Ass Bruise to the Ego Bitches! I dont have a Stalker...."Chris" was trying to call me... and Twice....thats right 2 fucking times...IN AS MANY DAYS... Hit the Hold Button instead of the Flash Button before proceeding to his next Sales Call...Fucking Solicitors....Made me think Im wanted for more then my check book~ PFFFT!! Fuckity Fucks! Well that's what I get I suppose, for putting my Cell on the Net...Just for any ol Charity, Business and Police Auxiliary to call me wanting money!

Still Pouting.....


  1. appply cold compresses and look at it like this... since you dont have a stalker there is no need to place your pet bunny in a bunny relocation program so that it wont get boiled by the crazy.

  2. No that is the Bright side...and My luck the fucking Rabbit would end up in the Snake Enclosure! Im allergic to Rabbits...You Know Just an FYI!

  3. always entertaining!!!! That damn CHris...what a bastard! Since the boss says that I must answer all calls now because he can't stand to hear the phone ring, which I can't either. I probably get at least 10 of those calls a day.

  4. You know, I thought they weren't allowed to block their numbers! Well the next time Private Shows up on my phone Im gonna Answer it and Fuck Right back with Him!

  5. Oh~ Sorry that your stalker didn't pan out...look on the bright side. they wanted your money~ you did not owe money!!!

  6. Well the comment Box says Five But I only count Four Well...5 if you count this...6 If someone wrote in invisible ink again!

  7. Oh it was Terry! Well Yeah I guess...I still wanted to be wanted for my Hawt if not Fat Ass though!

  8. since when did Hawt and Fat become synonyms? Have I had too much to drink already this morning?

  9. Oh I Meant PHAT! Bwahahahaha! Leave it to you to notice!