Sunday, May 16, 2010

Self Esteem doesn't have to cost that Much! How to Feel Specatular for less then $69.69

Ive been called “egotistical”, “a bitch”, a “snob” , “Tactless”, “heartless” and “mean!” As well as: a and Ok , we all know what... C to the U to the N to the T word I’m talking about! Am I Right? Of Course I am...Lets just move on about the Blog shall we?!

Ok…So I’ve been called all these things because of two very real reasons! Let’s count em down….

1. Because I’m 40, and Confident, 2. I’m independent and Strong!

Ok so that’s four… who’s counting!

And you can be too! Even if you’re Under Forty….I say apply just the following suggestions to your life and you can …get a little farther ahead then your catty pseudo girlfriends!

  • How to be Confident: Tell yourself every day 100 times: “I am Absolutely Sure!” You will soon enough begin to believe it! For you insecure hangers on: Its ok….….Sure about what? (you may say?) It doesn’t matter is the answer! Cuz whatever you are sure about: You will now be "Absolutely Sure" about it! Look how confident you already feel!

  • Dress the Part! If you feel you’re a Jersey~licious Licious Babe…even though you are from Girard Ill, then Muffin says…Put your Bumpit In and Onyour Bronzer and best zebra striped wife beater, skinny Jeans and Mannylows Stilettos (they look like Manolo Blahnik but their not! ) and ACT Like You Know!
  • Keep necessary Props near By! PROPS??? Yes! Props are: Business Cards, Ink Pens with your name on them, Professional Resume, Portfolio, or at minimum a head shot and A RED CARPET RUNWAY! You just never know what opportunity you might want to be prepared for!

  • How to make a Red Carpet Runway: Red carpets are really cheap to make, just go to a fabric store buy a bolt of RED fabric, then go to the Wal~Mart or the Big Lots buy Aqua Net Hairspray, Glitter, and a Big Feather Boa! As you unroll the Bolt... Spray the Aqua Net and Sprinkle Glitter.... unroll the Bolt... Spray the Aqua Net and Sprinkle Glitter Repeat, ALL while wearing the Big Feather Boa... until you've achieved your desired length! Just a precaution: Felt Fabric does not wear well with Mannylows Stilettos, the nail through the plastic heel tap tears Runways made of felt! You know...unless you keep billiards chalk in your hand bag, I don’t ever recommend felt!!…AND...HEY! Don’t be afraid to Bead~Dazzle that fucker if you want! Its gonna get you through several: “Its your Night Girl, SO Live Large Moments!" moments.
  • Plastic Surgery….Get it! and Everywhere….and don’t be afraid of looking like Joan Rivers when Your 80…Cuz for 80… that Broad looks Pretty Damn Good! Self Esteem is worth every DAMN penny you pay for it, be it for a $1.00 Avon Lipstick, or $700.00 Jimmy Choos!
  • OK Ladies, No Shame in My Game… get a VIBRATOR and Lots of double A batteries…Tons of them, don’t ever run out! Quick Little Recycle Tip:….When Your Vibrator starts Buzzzzzing at 10mph from 20mph, …those are the Batteries you USE IN HIS REMOTE. They are not dead, but they are going dead! I can assure you, from experience, ten Mph Batteries Last a hell of a lot longer in his remote then they ever will in the Bullet…So...Start a TV Remote Battery Drawer~ Think how Green this is! Its all Energy efficient Self Love! (On Special Occasions’, you could let him watch!)

  • Last Suggestion for this installment, and I’m shouting it out there: especially to my Hetero sisters out there…Make more money than your MAN (Partner)! This way he/she can never bitch about how much of YOUR money YOU spend!

Feeling full of your Self?
That’s What Im talking about!


  1. So now I know the secret of why my remote batteries are always running low (and why the remote sometimes vibrates when I push the wrong button).

  2. Uhhhhh Just so you know....that vibrating thing aint the remote! Just saying!

  3. I posted a comment and it is gone :( and it was funny......
    So I will leave the short version now...
    I hide my batteries and love my bullet....

  4. lmao!!! I am going to print this out and put it on the fridge.

  5. I think it got it all down and indeed already have my red carpet. Rechargeable batteries are the way to go girls! Always keep one set in the bullet and one on charge...just saying!

  6. What Ive found about rechargeables is after the third time on the charger they maintain a 10 mph buzzzzzz, Im a Jackhammer kinda girl! Buy in Bulk!

  7. LIzanne I would love to see a picture of that, It would make me feel even more Fabulous!