Friday, July 16, 2010

The Way I See It...With My Real Glasses on....

I read an Erma Bombeck book when I was weeee little...Like 6th Grade! It was over my head but I enjoyed the fact I was reading a "Womans Book". It was called, If life is a Bowl of Cherries what am I doing in the Pits. I did read it all the way through and at the ripe old age of 6th grade, I learned a few things, that Ive held onto until today...Some of the things I learned reading that book didnt make sense until I was about 35. There is a whole back story to my being who I am today and Not needing or wanting to take you down that road at this time, we will suffice it to say that even as a child I was always searching for things to make sense. Im not one to walk through life with Blinders on or wear "Rose Colored Glasses". As a child I was raised by my father and as the story that Im not telling you shows, a girl being raised by a man doesn't exactly think like a girl...I feel, I was raised to be an analytical thinker. Im not an emotional thinker! Analytical thinkers are typically Pessimists IN MY OPINION and Men. Emotional Thinkers by default are Female and well....I dont want to cut down my "by default sisters"...(Or my Queen Brothers....) not always "Rational Decision" makers right out of the gate!


Disclosure: All you Huffy Ovarian's out there...take a minute and digest...I do not want to cause an argument or offend thou...but if what I just wrote up there pisses you off then you just proved my point!

Start: I struggle to Remain Positive, although many people in my life would doesn't seem like I am struggling in my attempts! Because I subscribe to the "power of suggestion" I really do try to find the best of EVERY Situation. If I didn't, I think I would be a depressed hermit. I know that I can accomplish many goals in my life and I know that I will overcome many obstacles...Cuz really "Thats Life"...In a Nut Shell...Ups, Downs, and All around learning, living, and growing ...Until we Die.(Dont cry when Im Dead cuz Im not really Dead...Im Haunting your ass...Ok so Im Dead but Im not Gone... Im just Invisible.)

The trick I learned along the way that helped me be the "BITCH" that I am today was "don't take it personally, rather take it into account".... "DO WHAT?" You Say!!!

I have a FREIND...who while telling a story to her, she stopped me mid sentence and said: "Are you telling me this because you think I do that?" I was all slightly confused and almost rude in my retort..."UH NO...Why must EVERYTHING be about you???" Why cant what I was telling her be about the person the story was about? It was their Story...I was repeating it! (Yes in a Gossipy way...Im still a girl!) She looked hurt, and I remembered tact....So I gently said..."no its not about you, but if when I finish telling you this you decide not to do this in the future then good for you!"

I just don't make shit about me....but I do make the shit something I try to learn from! Im honest to a fault, especially with myself, again something I learned to do between the ages of 33-40, Until then, I was wrapped up in all the Drama I could a way to not look at my own life...To feel better about me, I looked for the faults in others...I would Judge you too, I would talk about you behind your back, and lie about doing so to your face. If I went out of my way to be your friend, I would keep track of all the niceties so I could hold it against you if I needed too. I really believed that no one wanted to be nice with out something being in it for them. Plain and Simple...It was Fuck before getting fucked...Nice and Pessimistic...and COMPLETELY CODEPENDENT!

I had an epiphany, it was my own private moment with myself in the wee hours of a morning...I was plotting to be destructive, I was setting myself up for failure and all because I didn't have the support of my own confidence to be successful .... (There's a whole lot of Back Story)...Realizing this by some miracle... I decided that morning that I would be my own "Priority"...I would Love me the way I thought I loved my children, and I would not Lie to myself or Anyone else ever again! My Dad said...The Truth will set you free...He wasn't the original "sayer"...but he was very philosophical when we were growing up....frankly, I just chalked it up to his being stoned most of the time, and well when you're stoned you think about stuff more intensely...(HA!!! SO IM TOLD????) My Dads ideas weren't just Pot Induced...His Mother raised him...The blessed of all mothers! My Gram Cole! She never had a harsh word to say about anyone...ever! She never seemed to judge people...I wished I could be like that! She seemed to be the most grounded and logical person I knew...Here comes the Epiphany...Im her why cant I be that too? So I made a deal with myself at 5:30 AM on the 2nd of May 2004...Im Me and I will be Very Honest with MYSELF...and I will stay very positive...I will not let other peoples problems become my own (Trust me---This was the toughest of all of this)...and I will hold those in my circle accountable, and I will Leave My Marriage (Thats was a Crazy Thought...or was it????) and follow MY dreams...what ever they may be.. and My children, and now Hunkas children, My Best friends and My Sisters...All Must Be Honest and Accountable....So Say'eth QUEEN BEE BRANDIE!!!!
This is the Story of Me....TODAY....I know I come across like a Huffy Bitch who knows everything....its because I Love me, I refuse to change for any reason other then I deem, I am my priority  because as much as we like to think we are Priorities to our spouses, kids and inner circles...the HONEST TRUTH is we likely are Options! This thought has gotten me pretty darn far in 6 years!  Oh that and our Family Motto (I think every family should have a motto) is Failure is not an OPTION! More on that in another blog Im sure!

Stop: New Thought~Im writing all of this because at some point in my Daughters Life, or My Nieces, Nephews, Son's... or just in general ...everyones life... a realization is made....and I do believe It always should be met with honesty...SO my new Goal here is to show you how to be the best Bitch or Dick you can be while making yourself Your Priority!

HOW TO BE HONEST: Simple Enough... Dont lie....Dont make an excuse for poor choices, wrong turns or failures....Learn to Communicate: This is even simpler then being honest really...I promise, Its really not that hard once you start doing it! Just Listen to people when they talk...take them at face value...DONT EVER interpret what they say, to mean anything...Example: If So and SO says its Green...then Its green...not some pretty combination of Blue and Yellow to suite your taste...Its GREEN! PERIOD! Nothing More...JUST FUCKING GREEN...get it? This is how I think! So when they later tell me its Seafoam or Teal I can Honestly say...No, you said GREEN!  In summary....Literally take people at there word and you will find out a whole lot you didnt realize about a lot of people you think are your friends....People will tell you exactly what they are about....Just Listen!!!!

Now as I continue to give you free advice you need to know that I do understand if you think this is too difficult: It has taken me 6 years to learn this and I tweek it every so often...a lot of people don't understand. Its steps....eventually the rest of the world will catch on!

Hunka and Yoda are YOUR Ally

Hunka called me an "Odd Bird!" and "Not Normal!" and followed my snarky lip curled crossed eyed look at him up with..."In a good way that works for you!".....I uncurled and looked less snarky...somewhere there is a compliment there....and I say "HOW SO?" and he says.... "Not everyone wants to hear the truth, not everyone wants to be responsible for their faults and not everyone wants to learn volumes from their mistakes Brandie....Just You do!" "Most people want to lay blame or displace there anger so that they don't have to change...sometimes people prefer to believe they are right even when they know they are wrong!" He then said...."Until I looked really hard at what you do, I never looked at what I don't"...or something like made sense when he said it and I used quotes but I really cant quote him. It was quite an honor to have him say that to me as you can imagine!

So as you go Padawans....Accept that some people just dont know how to communicate. This does not mean interpret means you need to ASK more questions until they are clear. Simply TEACH THEM by example how to communicate...because they  want to be understood as much as they want to be heard....Its Human Nature!!!! Hunka is learning to communicate better with me and I with him, (He has a habit of trying to figure out what you mean when you say things to him...Rather then Just Listen to what has been said...Sometimes I have to say..."David its a Yes or No Question"..."I need a one word answer") and  he can tell you that its sometimes hard because old habits are tough to break. The trick to Listening is while someone is speaking to you, repeat them word for word in your head...Seriously this works! Most people wait for their turn to speak...sometimes nothing needs to be said! Its amazing what profoundness comes from the mouths of the people we surround ourselves with. The most profound thing I ever told Hunka was "He is Worth it!" ("Worth What" is his long as he earns "it" honestly then, its his for the taking!)
You are worth it too...what ever you choose to do, choose to do it with everything you have, if you feel like you haven't got anymore....then email me... I'll tell you exactly how to get SOME!

Muffins Can Help!


  1. Oh how I wish I could be not so emotional. What a true and honest post with some real life Brandie in there. I think I can learn a thing or two from you, being that your older and all...hahaha! But seriously, thank you. As I read the part about communication you are exactly right. Some people just do not know how to communicate and maybe those of us that do take for granted the fact that we can put into words our feelings. Funny how sometimes a yes or no answer is all we need, that made me giggle because that happens here a lot. We all learn until the day we die if not we would be children forever. I tell everyone to watch out when I'm gone cause haunting their asses is gonna be quite fun. Thank YOU!

  2. Hahahahaha at the Older comment ! Fuck Off! LOL!!!! Ia m emotional...I cry at Movies, Diaper commercials and a stupid Jewel video the other day...OOOO I'll blog it...Its funny really....But what I try hard not to do is make a decision in the Heat of the Moment....For example...I would never make a blanket statement because Im mad...When I feel the Lion about to Roar, I hold my breath! Like a two year old... or I count as high as I can remember in Spanish...and all because I have a Lethal Tongue...I can say the most hateful things and have....Those hateful things have no place in my decision making brain sector~ region...I have been so mad in the past that I have actually gone BLIND! Im not even kidding about that....that scares all decisions must be rational or I could end up in jail!
    I had an ex tell me once that I was the calmest of all his girl friends and the Nicest too...Little did he know that I considered Stabbing him Once! See... its all about control...Self Control! Which codependency is about control too but at least Im being more productive and less destructive this way!

  3. "Don't take it personally, just take it into account."

    This is some fucking brilliant shit right there! You need to make this your personal motto and stamp it everywhere your name is seen. I have nothing more I can say to this because I think it says it all right there. You're absolutely fabulous!

  4. As I stand and I hear the Applause of not you... but my own personal audience that I carry around (ie: The Voices) I think Oh Its a Long road I have traveled, there is much more for me to learn...and still more road to travel,only now the road isn't dirt...its gravel and a little grass grows along the side with the occasional wildflower...I like this road! I like you too!!!