If life is a Bowl of Cherries what am I doing in the Pits. I did read it all the way through and at the ripe old age of 6th grade, I learned a few things, that Ive held onto until today...Some of the things I learned reading that book didnt make sense until I was about 35. There is a whole back story to my being who I am today and Not needing or wanting to take you down that road at this time, we will suffice it to say that even as a child I was always searching for things to make sense. Im not one to walk through life with Blinders on or wear "Rose Colored Glasses". As a child I was raised by my father and as the story that Im not telling you shows, a girl being raised by a man doesn't exactly think like a girl...I feel, I was raised to be an analytical thinker. Im not an emotional thinker! Analytical thinkers are typically Pessimists IN MY OPINION and Men. Emotional Thinkers by default are Female and well....I dont want to cut down my "by default sisters"...(Or my Queen Brothers....) not always "Rational Decision" makers right out of the gate!
Disclosure: All you Huffy Ovarian's out there...take a minute and digest...I do not want to cause an argument or offend thou...but if what I just wrote up there pisses you off then you just proved my point!
Start: I struggle to Remain Positive, although many people in my life would say...it doesn't seem like I am struggling in my attempts! Because I subscribe to the "power of suggestion" I really do try to find the best of EVERY Situation. If I didn't, I think I would be a depressed hermit. I know that I can accomplish many goals in my life and I know that I will overcome many obstacles...Cuz really "Thats Life"...In a Nut Shell...Ups, Downs, and All around learning, living, and growing ...Until we Die.(Dont cry when Im Dead cuz Im not really Dead...Im Haunting your ass...Ok so Im Dead but Im not Gone... Im just Invisible.)
The trick I learned along the way that helped me be the "BITCH" that I am today was "don't take it personally, rather take it into account".... "DO WHAT?" You Say!!!
I have a FREIND...who while telling a story to her, she stopped me mid sentence and said: "Are you telling me this because you think I do that?" I was all slightly confused and almost rude in my retort..."UH NO...Why must EVERYTHING be about you???" Why cant what I was telling her be about the person the story was about? It was their Story...I was repeating it! (Yes in a Gossipy way...Im still a girl!) She looked hurt, and I remembered tact....So I gently said..."no its not about you, but if when I finish telling you this you decide not to do this in the future then good for you!"
I just don't make shit about me....but I do make the shit something I try to learn from! Im honest to a fault, especially with myself, again something I learned to do between the ages of 33-40, Until then, I was wrapped up in all the Drama I could Muster....as a way to not look at my own life...To feel better about me, I looked for the faults in others...I would Judge you too, I would talk about you behind your back, and lie about doing so to your face. If I went out of my way to be your friend, I would keep track of all the niceties so I could hold it against you if I needed too. I really believed that no one wanted to be nice with out something being in it for them. Plain and Simple...It was Fuck before getting fucked...Nice and Pessimistic...and COMPLETELY CODEPENDENT!
This is the Story of Me....TODAY....I know I come across like a Huffy Bitch who knows everything....its because I Love me, I refuse to change for any reason other then I deem, I am my priority because as much as we like to think we are Priorities to our spouses, kids and inner circles...the HONEST TRUTH is we likely are Options! This thought has gotten me pretty darn far in 6 years! Oh that and our Family Motto (I think every family should have a motto) is Failure is not an OPTION! More on that in another blog Im sure!
Stop: New Thought~Im writing all of this because at some point in my Daughters Life, or My Nieces, Nephews, Son's... or just in general ...everyones life... a realization is made....and I do believe It always should be met with honesty...SO my new Goal here is to show you how to be the best Bitch or Dick you can be while making yourself Your Priority!
HOW TO BE HONEST: Simple Enough... Dont lie....Dont make an excuse for poor choices, wrong turns or failures....Learn to Communicate: This is even simpler then being honest really...I promise, Its really not that hard once you start doing it! Just Listen to people when they talk...take them at face value...DONT EVER interpret what they say, to mean anything...Example: If So and SO says its Green...then Its green...not some pretty combination of Blue and Yellow to suite your taste...Its GREEN! PERIOD! Nothing More...JUST FUCKING GREEN...get it? This is how I think! So when they later tell me its Seafoam or Teal I can Honestly say...No, you said GREEN! In summary....Literally take people at there word and you will find out a whole lot you didnt realize about a lot of people you think are your friends....People will tell you exactly what they are about....Just Listen!!!!
Now as I continue to give you free advice you need to know that I do understand if you think this is too difficult: It has taken me 6 years to learn this and I tweek it every so often...a lot of people don't understand. Its ok....baby steps....eventually the rest of the world will catch on!
Hunka called me an "Odd Bird!" and "Not Normal!" and followed my snarky lip curled crossed eyed look at him up with..."In a good way that works for you!".....I uncurled and looked less snarky...somewhere there is a compliment there....and I say "HOW SO?" and he says.... "Not everyone wants to hear the truth, not everyone wants to be responsible for their faults and not everyone wants to learn volumes from their mistakes Brandie....Just You do!" "Most people want to lay blame or displace there anger so that they don't have to change...sometimes people prefer to believe they are right even when they know they are wrong!" He then said...."Until I looked really hard at what you do, I never looked at what I don't"...or something like that...it made sense when he said it and I used quotes but I really cant quote him. It was quite an honor to have him say that to me as you can imagine!
So as you go along...my Padawans....Accept that some people just dont know how to communicate. This does not mean interpret them...it means you need to ASK more questions until they are clear. Simply TEACH THEM by example how to communicate...because they want to be understood as much as they want to be heard....Its Human Nature!!!! Hunka is learning to communicate better with me and I with him, (He has a habit of trying to figure out what you mean when you say things to him...Rather then Just Listen to what has been said...Sometimes I have to say..."David its a Yes or No Question"..."I need a one word answer") and he can tell you that its sometimes hard because old habits are tough to break. The trick to Listening is while someone is speaking to you, repeat them word for word in your head...Seriously this works! Most people wait for their turn to speak...sometimes nothing needs to be said! Its amazing what profoundness comes from the mouths of the people we surround ourselves with. The most profound thing I ever told Hunka was "He is Worth it!" ("Worth What" is his decision...as long as he earns "it" honestly then, its his for the taking!)
You are worth it too...what ever you choose to do, choose to do it with everything you have, if you feel like you haven't got anymore....then email me... I'll tell you exactly how to get SOME!
Muffins Can Help!