Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I know what a Turd feels like just before it disappears...

This Blog was started on Monday...See screen shot over there? I cut it and began a new blog below because frankly that one eats ass! Stop and start...thats my life as of late oooo and I thought I had the flu!
START- Its now Wednesday Morning 8:57 AM...It appears~ Today, that I still have Flu Like Symptoms but with out the flu...The Kid has missed every day of High School this week...with Flu Like symptoms, and still I forced him to class at the college because he cant afford to fall behind there...Not that he can afford to fall behind at the High school but he only has 2 classes there and well he was throwing up yesterday...So those classes can be emailed home...the college... they dont care if you show up or not...and one missed day of class there is like a weeks worth of missed information. I feel like I'm the student...working for no degree! Ok, enough about him lets talk about me!
My flu like symptoms actually started on Saturday....Just about the time I realized that at 41 "Imma feel every bit of my age come tomorrow" Sunday...So lets paint the day as it was shall we: We had a lovely visit to Aquatica, the water park at Sea World, planned to celebrate my birthday...It was billed as a lovely family fun day...Amy and Willie C purchased private island chairs and umbrellas and David and I donated the Meal tickets...Jacob, Cirrez, Eric, Chad, David, and I along with Willie C and the AimsMuffin...So we set off to enjoy the Water park and the Banana Cove Cook Out Patio from open to close! Nothing like an amusement park to make you feel like a kid again! Which when you're a kid, all the stairs to the good slides never phase you...So... Im not feeling guilty about eating junk at the cook out patio Im actually working out...cuz we are Stair Climbing and Rapids swimming....wanna feel a workout?...swim in rapids and climb 1000 stairs to then be forced fed into ice water at the bottom of the attraction, Legs Abs and arms worked...just saying!
My What a Big Lens You Have
Check out how fit this hunk of a man is in his speedo...oh my what a big lens he has.....Oh yeah and theres Jacob and Willie C in the back ground!Soooo, Climbing a million Stairs did however put to good use all the squats and cardio that I did with Jilliann in the last month...Seriously though I was feeling every bit unfit and 41 by the time we reached the top of the Dolphin Plunge and this was the first slide we conquered....The slide to the bottom
Climbing 1000 stairs to slide the Dolphin Plun
was suppose to include and underwater sea life adventure! You see...a portion of the slide was   a clear tube in which you could see through to         the dolphin pool that the slide plunged through...except you are going so fast you cant see hit the bottom of the slide so quickly that your suit is now in your small intestine and you are in need of a Nettie pot! I immediately knew swimmers ear was in my near future...the water went up my nose with such a force that it literally came out my ears, not good! My back was on fire from the friction generated from sliding down the tube and you felt every rivet of the welds holding it together....This  is suppose to be fun...(note to self *** Dear Self, You're a fucking shoulda choose a spa day instead!) I refuse to be deterred by this most unfortunate incident, if I have to place a positive spin on it, Id have to say I havent breathed this clear in years...Dammit we are going to have fun! So lets do a redo...which means now,I have to climb1000 stairs again and go down again! Really Im determined, only because I want to see inside the tank, the whole point was to see IN THE TANK!! So up we go again...only this time to make it more interesting Hunka and I are going to race to the bottom...I just have to remember to  arch my back slightly to save my skin and look left when I see light approaching, also hold my nose at the clear portion of the tube....Oh yeah and win the race...Thats alot of stuff to do in a 30 sec time span at 30 miles per hour!....Look ... here is what it was suppose to look like to me...

instead this was what it looked like:

and the final results of the race since I choose the right tube this time instead of the left tube...Hunka Wins! He beat me out of the a pool length! He's not a poor sport or anything either as you can see by his victory sign...Im like... "for real David its a friendly a waterpark...its not like you won the Indy 500! Pfft!" (Dang it, I hate to Loose!)
Now on to the next slide....AKA Tassies Twister...AKA the Toilet Bowl! This too involved a bit of a journey and a climb...You enter a wading pool and float a portion of a Lazy River...Blue Tubes are the lazy river portion and the Yellow tubes are the Tassie Twister Tubes...You can ride as a single rider or as a team...of course Hunka and I are riding as a team...which very well may have been the wrong thing for us to do! Here is a look at the ride from the perspective of a single rider and an observer....

The sound my head made!
The hole that sucks the rider in is a steep slide about 7 feet long that deposits the rider at the bottom of the wading pool....or its suppose too...Hunka and I will never really know how the ride ended because you see...we crashed...full on fucking wiped out!  We were the Turds that flipped over in the hole...I rode the Shoot on my face with my Husband catapulting over me and the entire park hearing a huge GONG! That Gong was my Head on the water slide....we flipped we flopped and we was Awful! I literally felt like a turd...being sucked through a toilet to land in the where near as graceful as I hoped I would look doing it Im sure! I was then drug from the water by my hair as my very panicked Husband assumed I had to have lost conscious from such a hard hit to my head and was then obviously drowning...I wasn't unconscious and I wasn't drowning and now I may very well be bald! I couldn't be mad at him because he was dead white and I thought he was about to cry from fear! I was also keenly aware that AimsMuffin was coming directly behind us because before we got sucked through the shit shoot, she blasted into the bowl with us...  and she was screaming ...."what the hell are you doing in here?????????????" ...I love Amy dearly but I have had about enough of this place and its only been thirty minutes... Ive been run over once already today, and Im not looking forward to a second time! So as we scramble to get out of the way... Aims shoots through the shit shoot unharmed and says ..."Holy Fuck BransMuffin are you ok?" "I got scared when I saw you and David Crash....I was really afraid I was gonna crash into you...." Im Like "Oh Yeah!?" "Well fucking ME TOO!" So as we think we have our faculties together the 17 year old wanna be baywatch life guard...shuffles us to the side of the pool, with out so much as a fuck you or do you need any medical assistance.... cuz right now there is bigger issues on her agenda.... Our Unfortunate Incident.... is causing the Natives at the top of the slide to rustle....I mean...for fuck sake....they are waiting to ride down the toilet bowl ...we were holding them up....they shut it down while they sorted out the tangled mess that was David and I. The other slide goers were  starting to bitch and the biggest bitcher was JACOB! Thats right, Louminator all kinds of Pissed off up top and saying things like "Move the bodies we wanna slide".............In all fairness he didnt know it was us....and in all fairness again...he just fucking climbed a thousand stairs to emulate shit in a toilet....Move the bodies already!
The Boys enjoying the day Oblivious to my near death encounter!
We had to take a break after that slide, cuz I needed a minute to gather my thoughts...I think I said..."I need comfort food...Lets get Banana Pudding"...So we did and low and behold the stiff neck begins to set in!
After reliving the trauma several times...I believe I said to David..."I think I have Whip Lash" ...he replied..."Be thankful you aren't dead...You scared the shit out of me and Im surprised you dont have a headach!" I believe we only rode one more slide together and then I resigned my self to the Lazy rivers and the River Rapids...I'd certainly had enough for one day! So the day goes on, winds down and my husband tells me his favorite ride....THE SHIT SHOOT! I on the other hand after spending two days feeling like I had the flu and fearful I did have whip lash learned that as a result of that crash...I had a dislocated rib...a strained neck and twisted knee....I dont Have the Flu...Im 41, and just cant take a crash like I used too!

Still Recovering...Sore Muffin!


  1. It was a day that will live in Muffin-infamy! And for the record, had I known something happened to you guys... I couldn't see shit (pun intended) because I was sitting at the top waiting to go... I woulda plunged down there in a fuckin' heartbeat and helped out! But I'd probably just get in the way or kill somebody in the attempt, so its probably best they held me up.

    And lets not forget that one of you kicked me in the tattoo while we were in the Rapids. Ain't my favorite fuckin' moment, just so you know. But what's a little fun without any pain or danger, right? Awesome day! Thanks for sharing it with me. Let's try wrestling alligators next time! Can't be any more dangerous than Aquatica. :)

  2. By the way, that pic of David's victory celebration really does tell a story, doesn't it? LOL!!

    I already miss you guys.:)

  3. A picture in this case is worth a thousand words!

  4. What memories.....what memories....just thank the powers that be that you didn't break your neck or that Hunka didn't when he was trying to help ya. BWAHHHHHahahahah---Louie was the one bitching up top--Classic, very classic!

    The poop shoot in Spfld doesn't let ya use a raft- I rode down the damn thing once and bout made me sick I spun around so quick I couldn't lift my head off the slide- next thing I knew, I was being plunged down into the deep with a big man coming down on top of me...yes, it would have been my husband. He told me I should have gotten outta the way, of course after he knew I wasn't going to die. Gotta love em'.

    captcha: bubco---bwahhaha...what a silly word

  5. sounds and looks like you had the best birthday ever! happy birthday young lady! wish i had some water slides to fly down...for now i am using shopping bags smothered in vaseline and hoping for a rainy day ;o(

  6. lmao! Well I learned that Water slides and wave pools are best suited for a much younger me!

  7. A fine days fun and near death experiences...I'd say you got your moneys worth and enough memories to last this life time....

  8. Id say you were right on the money sister!