Oh I can feel it! I often take a backseat in life to things, You know the normal things as Wives and Mothers... Like Our Families, their wants needs desires, disturbances, Whatever they deem important on any given day...Their Lives Call "ShotGun!" So inevitably, as the Holidays Approach...My eyes get a little more distant, my chest feels a little more hollow, and I fight the Jurassic Demon! At least as much as possible, to keep it at bay! This year I'm feeling it a lot earlier then most...Perhaps its because when EJHS is around I "harden" me a little...and Since he has been dealing with some issues that are "whole family matters"...and being his original baby Momma minus the Drama...I'm feeling a little more drawn to him then even I'm comfortable admitting to! Thank Goodness David is truly the most understanding husband in the world! Well at least for now he pretends to be...He even said the other day when I mentioned my distraction with EJHS and how it disturbs me that I feel for him, and my feelings aren't anger...He actually said well that's "normal for you Brandie" I wouldn't worry to much about it! Then he mentioned how we might not be conventional but "he" ie: EJHS is our "Family" so its gonna weigh on us...I was like wow....Really, its weighing on him too? It does come down to this though...We are going to Virginia for Thanksgiving. Ive been to Virginia 3 times since 2004. 2004 is when I left Virginia to find myself...Single! You Dig...So going Back, seeing what was left behind and seeing all the changes that took place rather in spite of my absence, perhaps because of my absence...Well it always makes me a little depressed! So perhaps the Jurassic Demon is just Dread...Oh Well... time to Put on the Big Girl Panties...Paint on the Smile, Jump in the Back Seat and Move it forward!
The Muffin Stuff!
I have those same T-Rex moments every freakin' time I cross any boarder to Illinois, be it coming or going. They suck. I feel like I want to vomit. Like there is this gigantic open oozing mound of nothingness that is going to swallow me whole. It does not matter the event I am attending or the people I am to see.
ReplyDeleteMy friends who often make the journey with me either in the car or via the phone will tell me its ok just keep moving forward, get to the spot your going and get on with it.
Know your not alone in your worries over EJHS all of us in one way or another are feeling that UGH for him. I told you what needs to be done. May be time to rethink the I don't think soo's. There comes a time and a reason for all things inevitable, some things (people) need a push in the correct path.
Hottie husband will keep the mammoth butterflies at bay. Go to Virgina and make yourself a wonderful Turkey bird and one of those follow the recipe pumpkin pies and have great conversation and coffee with that beautiful daughter of yours.
LOVE YOU
I know you told me what you think needs to be done...I dont have that in me....I just dont....I cant...It would only be for selfish reasons...AND HURT YE NONE, what about that lil rule?....that would not Hurt Ye None...Some Ye will be Hurt...Not on my Broom...YOU could do it...You just dont wanna!
ReplyDeleteIll go home to Illinois with you next time! Just give me a couple weeks notice...Full Moons Coming! I love and Miss Your Face!
I cant wait for our Alaskian Retreat! Quite odd that Id want to Hunt Caribou...But Being Snowed in sounds like a great time! I fucking Hate Snow....I hate these goddamn hot flashes worse!
BLAHAHAHAHAHA to the Alaskian Retreat.... You know we could have a girl get away and I could do my party the following weekend. Let me look into that.
ReplyDeleteWe cold make some snow angels and try our hand at skiing again......
The full moon is coming and I too miss your face.
Well if its any consolation to you- I have those feelings every time I get drunk and pissed off all over again.
ReplyDeleteLet me know when you'll be making that trip to Illinois- both of you and I will be waiting at the outskirts of town, if your coming to Virden, to lead you to your destination wherever that may be. If its soon, we could have a fire and dance around it to the full moon. Wouldn't that be something.....
You'll be fine Brandie- whatever it is, you will work through it with Hunka by your side.
LOL Angie I have a feeling that If we ever come to Virden...It likely wont be a social call! I'll muster through the Holidays! Im an old pro at it. I stopped Celebrating Traditional Holidays the Year I left Virginia...Well have a Turkey, some Pie some Coffee and some Laughs...For Thanksgiving and for Christmas we do put up a tree and I do have a cocktail party every other year however thats about the extent....Hunka and I will go grab a bite for breakfast and spend the day him in the living room and Me in bed watching old movies, Its very quiet...we even pretty much have made a tradition of Eating Soup for dinner. Its just another day for us...Well exchange gifts with Lil E on the 30th but other then that, "Christmas" doesn't exist for us...Im starting to like it this way. Ive also saved a ton of money through the years.
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