Monday, October 24, 2011

Where the Hell Have I Been all My life? Empty Nest...My life without chaos!

Well if "All my life" has only been since April 2011...then I can say for certain Ive been Off the radar! I have had the most emotionally challenging six months! Thank the Goddess too, because I have found a new resolve and a renewed faith in all that is Muffiny! 

Without going into too much detail, we wanna keep it positive after all! And, since I am learning and growing from the experience, Ill simply say: Self exploration  has kept me away!

Ive been learning several things this summer about myself....and Empty Nest Syndrome! Enough about it, to know that its REAL! I have taken this time away to kinda; eat cake and cry by myself! When your bird flies the nest, even for a short while, you find yourself enjoying the break, you often look forward to it! My little bird flew the nest for a 5.5 month accelerated course in High School and the military! He left July 10 for Military school in Northern Florida, where he is treated as an enlisted bootcampee...except, they go to high school while there!

Several people assume this is just for Bad Kids...and it benefits a bad kid I'm sure, but Lil E isn't that BAD KID you'll concern yourself about! He is very smart and was even dual enrolled in college while in Public High School! He was quite excited to have the opportunity and even made Deans list the first semester!
However, as most kids approach their JR and Sr year, some students often find other things to take priority over their education! (Girls, Party's, Poker, Rock n Roll....those things!) Eric being one of those students...found himself Back at the High School! Full time and not happy the Third Semester (Which was the 2nd Semester of his Jr year!) Eric didn't take the high road here either! He went back dragging ass and dragging feet! My thought was "good! now that you got a little taste of the freedom, that you may have taken advantage of. You'll work harder to get it back and appreciate it when you have it!" Right?
(Although the thought was in my head...and made perfect sense~)WRONG! He was still in a different mind set, he was in screw it mode!

Eric realized and verbalized that HE ABSOLUTELY hated high school! The classes are boring and not fast paced the college the classes were 90 minutes long and twice a week...a quicker pace and less "CLASS" time. ( remember up there...I mentioned his new found freedom?) Well, due to his new found freedom at the college level, Eric found himself in class less often then he should have been, and the privilege of Dual Enrollment was revoked!  He is my Kid! Stubborn isn't just a creek in Egypt...this kid was digging in and ready for the long haul tantrum...He was yelling HOME SCHOOL....I'm yelling "Christ you didn't go to school when you were suppose to...Now you want home school?" Where it becomes my sole responsibility to make sure all the assignments required for graduation were done and submitted?" Hell, I don't even have a college degree and the State of Florida will let me "Learnt" my own kid? I'm gonna be hearing crap the rest of my life about how maybe I should've done this instead of that when he becomes a parent...Ill have to take responsibility for his smarts or lack of if I "LEARNT" him! Nope! Not interested! Better come up with Plan B!
So I/we had to create an alternative! Trust me finding alternative to your 7 classes a day girl/boy drama that would work for Eric, on an accelerated level , that did not include HOME SCHOOL... Not easy! What we found was..."This school" that was established for kids that were at risk for NOT graduating! ie: Broken home and Gang Kids...Im thinking really? For Eric? I was concerned that we'd have to knock over a liquor store just to meet the "At Risk" requirements!
So we embarked none the less: minus the robbery!
23 page application, Essay and Board of Directors interview with retired military officers...over whelming and intimidating...That was the alternative we found!
Eric applied and was accepted to this "high school military academy". It accelerates the whole Senior Year into 5.5 months, has a rigorous physical fitness element and incorporates the Army National Guard schedule into his High School Curriculum and includes a PROM!

 So hes up at 4:45 and running through the motions of an enlisted military mans life! Hes doing well...Mom not so much! Im only allowed to speak with him for 5 minutes now twice a week! Ive only seen him twice since July 10th. He was home for a 4 day placement pass but his homework and his community service project took up all of his time. I got a good 10 hours of down time with him and twice had to go to the gym with him to just to spend time with him. Which I love going to the Gym but I'm not "Gym Social"
It was becoming obviously clear to me that My Son was becoming a Man, and a Man don't need his Momma! So there you have it I'm feeling unneeded...except when I get the call or letter that says Send Stamps, Envelops, toiletries and white strips!
It gets worse then just empty nest syndrome ...This is a permanent step to his overall independence...through all of this I'm realizing that December 10th My 17 year old will graduate from High School...6 months ahead of his class and with 9 college credits under his belt....And a new found determination TO JOIN THE MILITARY! I don't want him to enlist! Its obviously clear that it really isn't about what I want ....
Screetch.....Blog tires skidding out of control....His very smart brain, his want to get through this program and his attention to the detail that this experience would not only look good on a resume, but a college application ...coupled with the fact that he ACED the stupid Military test they gave him...My kid is making choices for his future regardless of my existence and insistence that he stay my baby forever!
I failed to raise an underachiever....SHIT! What was I thinking?
I meant.... Don't try your hardest!...Stay home and live off me forever, because I don't want you to grow up!
Says the broad that doesn't have her unemployed 30 year old son watching porn in the basement at 2 in the afternoon!
It had to happen I suppose....his growing up...

All of which makes me very proud and a little depressed!
So thats where Ive been....

Thanks for checking in !

Mommy Muffin...for only a few more months!

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