I'm a pretty confident cookie! The scariest thing I ever did as a Big Girl was leave my first marriage! I had a plan... it started out in 1/4 mile increments and I arrived 700+ Miles later a new person, scared to look back, afraid to look to forward...everyone said it'll get easier ... and in some ways it did and in some ways it got harder... Ive had people say OMG! You're so Strong, How'd you do it??? Well go back and reread... It appears I ran away! It worked for me...its a bit of a chickenshit way to do it...but it worked for me, as did setting goals! I set myself up for long range success..."Gotta be strong" was what I told myself everyday for 2+ years...I also compiled a list of things I would Mind Fuck Myself with in order to Keep Moving Forward and Not Look Back:
Tattoo ...Check... Check... Check! Cuz dang you cant get just one! I always heard people say you get addicted to ink...Well its true!!! It also was something My EX disapproved of...so I got the First one out of spite and to give me strength... Because I could never go back if I had a Tattoo...I got the Other two because I LIKED IT! The only thing keeping me from looking like Jesse James' next Girlfriend is the business I'm in! Seriously I would be covered in them if it were more readily accepted! Tattoo 4 will be a Rib Wrap to my back and will incorporate My first Tattoo...cuz after 6 years of it being on my back... Ive come to this realization: THE REASON I PUT IT THERE PISSES ME OFF! If I wanted to color myself like a Fun pad I should have! No man will ever have the say over what I do with my body! So Dear Tattoo Number 1, I looked at you really closely today, and I decided...I don't really like you....YOU'VE got to Go!!!
Artists Apply at Bransfun@yahoo.com please!!! I have tattoos on my ribs so for you tatted up people please don't tell me that is the worst place to put them...I know it hurts like hell... and Its my opinion the more the Tattoo hurts the happier it makes me! Which scares me a little...cuz um, I'm thinking I like the pain! Which adds to this part of the blog: Tattoos are Mind Fucks that HURT SO GOOD!!!
In finding my inner control freak....I too Decided I would not smoke ever again....OK, well I did smoke a Cigarette...Ok 2... On November 24th and 25th 2010! YES I DID and I LOVED EVERY DAMN MINUTE OF IT....'cept it made my hair stink...I didn't like that part! I realized that its really easy to smoke after having quit for almost Three years...TOO EASY...actually Those Cigarettes...Both of them were fantastic...Euphoric...BETTER THEN SEX... AND I THINK IVE HAD SOME PRETTY GREAT SEX!
I absolutely must NOT ever smoke another Cigarette! If you Smoke and I try to Bum one, You tell me NO!!!!! Someone once said to me when I inquired about the possibility of even one cigarette making a born again previous smoker, smoke again..."No you'd have to smoke like a pack before the Old Habits returned or the craving for the Nicotine kicked in....One cigarette wont hurt ya! It'll probably make you sick!" Well person who told me that...the actual drag and inhale off that first cigarette was ecstasy! It did not make me sick, it did not give me a BUZZ perhaps because I was already Buzzing from Vodka...it filled me with a warm fuzzy...like a Home Again Feeling....So I decided the Next Night NO VODKA...to smoke another one...GUESS what.....It did not make me sick, it did not give me a BUZZ ...it filled me with a warm fuzzy...like a Home Again Feeling. A Mind Fuck that Hurts SO Good....
As I wander...almost too slowly into 2011, I find a lot of Opportunity ahead of me...and a lot of Scary ahead of me, because as of late, Im feeling a little less confident then the Girl Who Ran Away almost 7 years ago! I feel a little lost...almost like Ive broken up with someone, or Ive lost something of Value, Like there's this One Thing I was Suppose to Do but for the Life of Me I cant figure out what Im forgetting... There's a combination of Dread and Excitement in the feeling. Its a FOG that I cant see.... it but I feel it...and alas, Ive felt this way before... to say the least...So I guess it can only be that Im looking for my motivation...Perhaps a renewed commitment to enter the next chapter of my life!
Perhaps, I just need a Great Mind Fuck to push me ....Suggestions?
Its been a hot second since I blogged all about my weight loss adventure with Jillian and Aims Muffin...and this blog is about to be an entry in the Jillian Michael weight loss essay contest...the Grand Prize is a cruise! Woot!
Im not so sure I want to win the Grand Prize, because other then cruising with one of my besties, I dont think it sounds like much fun..."a fitness cruise"...I may get sea sick...I cant imagine doing squats on a boat, I cant bend over in an elevator with out wanting to Hurl. I also cant imagine working out with Jillian either! Shes a Beast! I also dont know if Cussing her out mid Circuit three is gonna go over well with her either...she looks like she can kick my ass... So with out further wait here is my Fat Essay, and what motivated me to enter this contest.
Aims Muffin, the only motivation one would ever need, I would think, to enter the Jillian Challenge! The whole process sounds like a piece of cake considering the alternative to Amys quality of life, if she doesn't win her own challenge!
One of my best friends, Amy, has Kidney Disease. Not a simple disease and a struggle to deal with, especially when Amy is one of the millions of Americans without health insurance. Amy has, since I’ve known her, always struggled with her weight. She has always worked out and she has always been a positive motivator for me to get into shape. So, as Amy fights the good fight against her potential silent stalker, I sit here looking at 41, a Size 12 concerned that 45 may find my Ass a size 16 or better...
Minor in comparison to Amy...who may not even be here at 45...not a thought I want to have, but a potential reality. Amy is a huge Biggest Looser fan, she said at one time "the show motivates" her... (I’ve never watched it, and know that I would feel bad choking down chips and salsa while it is on if I did.) She continues to talk about "Jillian Michaels"...this tough trainer on the show! (I’m barely listening because I’m trying to beat her high score on Bejeweled Blitz) Amy is all a flutter about her new workout routine and all the money she is saving by not paying a trainer anymore! She says ..."Ive Already Lost 7 pounds"....Screeeeetch...7 pounds? That’s a lot! I’m thinking...rewind... I caught somewhere in the chat that she just started this 10 days ago! Amy continues to say “and my Doctor says if I can lose 25 more pounds they can potentially take me off of my most expensive medicine!" "I already can’t afford to keep going to Mayo Clinic, they even canceled my last appointment because I am a prepay patient and its $700 plus per visit and they won’t take a payment arrangement!” Now I’m angry...at Mayo Clinic! Really....people shouldn’t have to die because they can’t afford to live! Amy, had been on prednisone for the Kidney disease for over a year and gaining additional weight from the medication, Amy was already circuit training with a trainer to lose the medication weight and now needs to lose an additional 25 pounds to save money, so she can afford to go to the doctor!? She now had my FULL Attention! She proceeds to tell me all about this "program" and its "affordability". The ease of just going to the website, getting your meal plan and your workout routine, each day...and that’s it! Okay, so that’s not "it"...you still have to work out! I was thinking as I was sitting there...
It seems this "Jillian Micheal" was Amy's savior in more than one way! Amy was super motivated, to save her own life. Jillian’s program made it affordable to Meal Plan, Weight Train, Exercise, and get the added support of a Trainer through the web boards! JillianMichael.com was making it possible for Amy to LIVE!
Just the amount of Money Amy saves in trainer’s fees each month is going a long way towards saving for regular Doctors visits! If Amy can do this to save her life...then I can use this program to lose weight and become stronger. WE can do it! There is no better coach then Aims Muffin! I’ve only been a Jillian Michaels member for 4 weeks and I’ve only Lost 5 pounds...but I’ve lost several inches and I have gained a ton of Strength...I can Plank for darn near 45 seconds! My goal is 30 pounds, I figure at this rate it'll take 6 months...and Im ok with that! As Amy and Jillian say...maintaining the weight loss is just as important as loosing it to begin with, well that and “FINISH STRONG BRANDIE!”
Hope you're all enjoying your day and heres to Finishing Strong!
Imma Stronger Muffin!
